Fostering a dog can be one of the most selfless and emotional things a human can do. After that animal gets adopted, a foster may go through a whirlwind of emotions. From denial to anger to acceptance, these are the five stages of grief for a foster parent.
Denial and Isolation
After the foster dog is adopted and has left to go to their new home, the reality is going to set in that they have left. A foster parent may choose to not think about it.
They may avoid the topic when others ask about the foster pup. The foster parent may immerse themselves in work around the house to distract themselves.
Being alone may be the only thing that feels comforting. They’ll snuggle up with their resident animals and watch television or read a book.
The foster room will go untouched. No cleaning, no reorganizing, no filling it with a new foster. The door will stay shut for a few days.
Anger
It may be a few days later or a couple hours, but the foster parent is going to get mad. They are going to start asking themselves, “Why?”
Why didn’t they adopt the dog? Did they really trust those people to adopt their foster dog? Why was that a good fit and not them?
The foster parent is going to be angry with themselves and the fact that they helped make a decision that their foster dog got adopted by someone else.
They are going to be mad they fostered in the first place. Why did they put themselves through this pain? The foster dog is already missed so much and they don’t know why they put themselves through this torture.
Bargaining
The foster parent is going to start thinking about reaching out to the rescue about seeing if they can hear how the dog is doing. Maybe the adopters are having a terrible time.
What if they want to return the dog? If the dog is not doing well then they can come back. Their foster room is waiting for them, anyways.
The foster parent will even bargain with their significant other. “Please remind me not to foster again even if I beg.” There is no need to foster again when it feels like this.
Depression
Back to snuggling with the pets and watching a movie. The reality is the dog is happy where they are. In the end, no one reached out saying they wanted to return, so they’re happy.
You are going to think about the pup and how they are doing. It will be sad but you have to think about it. They are probably having a ton of fun, without you.
The foster parent just has to remember, it is okay to cry.
Acceptance
You saved a life. That is what you need to remember most. You brought that dog into your home, went through decompression and training, and got them a forever home.
It’s time to get up and do it again. The foster parent starts cleaning the foster room.
Getting over their five stages of grief, they reach out to their rescue and say, “I’m ready again.”
For more on fostering, check out A Confident Dog Foster Series blogs.